The Importance of Saying No

Not long ago, I was asked to help with an upcoming event. My response was a quick and resounding "No". The speed at which I delivered this reply actually surprised me. My style in years past was to hedge and/or apologize. But time and experience have taught me a few things, and it's gotten easier to say no. (I must give credit to my husband too. He sees my stress level escalate and encourages margins.) I felt badly about turning this opportunity down, but saying no was the right choice.

This got me thinking - what causes us to say yes when we should say no?

• We feel guilty.
• We want the approval of others.  
• We think it'll further our cause or career. 
• We want to help family, friends, community, etc. 
• We're afraid we're missing out on important opportunities.  
• We think we can handle it, not fully grasping the effects of another commitment.

Why is it important to say no? Because it offers opportunities to properly align our priorities and life. If we don't, it will affect our quality of life, spiritual growth, relationships, health, and work in a negative way. Many of us are too busy, not allowing enough margins or down time. When we set boundaries by saying no, we open the door to time and possibilities - to think, pray, brainstorm, learn, daydream, recharge, do quality work, and build lasting relationships. More time, less stress - the benefits are obvious.

Saying no sounds good in theory, but what can we do to put it into practice and see resulting benefits? Here are a few things that help me.

Define priorities. What are the non negotiable, must-do commitments? It helps to first fill the schedule with people, tasks, and items that reflect our beliefs and what's most important to us.

Don't respond immediately. While it's courteous to reply to the request, we don't owe anyone an immediate answer. Ever. And if they expect one, that's their problem. Take time to think on it, pray about it, and consider all the angles.

Think about the consequences. Consider how you'll feel once you commit to this new thing. Do you imagine feeling overwhelmed, annoyed, stressed out, and otherwise agitated? Or is this a good fit, something you feel led to do? Is it a long or short term commitment? How will it affect your life and family? It's always better to feel peace versus angst about a decision.

Find your good balance. Sure, there will be busier times, extra favors or necessary tasks for others, interruptions, and emergencies that arise that complicate and clog your days. But what's your bottom line? What has God placed you on this earth to do? Use that as a guide and aim overall for the structure that is the best fit for your faith, family, health, and other priorities.

Set boundaries. If you don't define your parameters and priorities, someone else may do it for you. Defend your space. Allow yourself grace. And guard your time. It's a precious commodity and once it's gone, that's it. You don't get it back.

No regrets. Will saying yes cause you to have regrets over doing it, or not having done something else? Consider how you want to spend the remainder of your life. With whom do you want to spend it? Go and live life. A real one. 

Remember this. When you do say no, it gives you the ability to say yes at just the right time. Who knows what great things are just around the corner! :) 


What would you add to this list? Do you find it difficult to say no? How do you manage your priorities and time?

Taking a week off to catch up on some things. Will return on March 26. Enjoy your week! 

Happy writing, 
Karen




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